Wouldn’t it be nice to get some feedback on your first sentence–that all important sentence that launches your novel? Why not? I’m sure that some fellow writers out there could give me some advice and I’m also sure that some fellow readers could throw in their two cents.
We know that the first paragraph of a novel will make or break chances for publication and later readership. I’m reading a great novel now, Ordinary Thunderstorms by William Boyd. His first sentence blew me away. But, he wrote it from the omnipresent POV. New writers can’t get away with doing that. There’s much we can’t do as new writers, including prologues and back story. None of that works in the first sentence or paragraph.
We’re supposed to start in the action at the inciting incident. That’s ideal. Of course, I realize many of you out there probably couldn’t do that. You had to have a prologue and that may work for you. Everything I read says that if you write well, you can pull anything off.
So, here goes. This is the first paragraph of my new novel. Let me know your thoughts. It’s very much a work in progress.
Everyone imagines the moment when someone tells them they’re going to die. When it actually happened, Janie sat frozen, her one thought, Marlene.
Thanks for your comments.
Wow…can’t wait to read the rest of the story, Joan. I’m wondering if it was good thoughts or bad that Janie was thinking of Marlene. 🙂
Sandy, this is fun! I like getting comments at this stage of the writing. Gives me lots to think about. Thanks for sharing.
PS, I won’t give away anything. . . good thoughts or bad thoughts, hmmm
Gripping!! I hate that I read this because now I’m going to be in agony until I read the rest. Pfft!! 😉
Well done Joan!!
Lori, I’ll be posting other bits for reader comments. Maybe that will help reduce the “agony.” How’s your book coming?
Hello Joan,
You lured me over from LI (I was tiring of the broken-record argument against self-publishing), so I thought I’d oblige. Hope you don’t mind my two cents. It’s worth at least half that, if I’m on a streak. 😉
I very much like this opener in one sense, but it occurs glaringly to me that, NO, everyone does NOT imagine that moment. And since Janie is who you want us to focus on, why not really do that?
When Janie learned she was going to die, her first thought was Marlene.
Cheers!
Pete
Hi Pete,
I’m glad I managed to lure you away from LI. Thanks for your two-cents!
Joan
I see that I’m late with my post, but I agree with Pete. The first sentence stopped me. I’ve never thought of someone telling me I was going to die.
So, here goes. This is the first paragraph of my new novel. Let me know your thoughts. It’s very much a work in progress.
Everyone imagines the moment when someone tells them they’re going to die. When it actually happened, Janie sat frozen, her one thought, Marlene.
This is what was in your blog. Am I missing something?
Hi Joan. I’ll jump in too. My thought was that with an introduction I may form an interest in the lives of Janie and Marlene and actually care about what happens to them. I was pulled in with wondering if Janie was told the SHE was going to die or was she told that Marlene or someone else was going to die. I think we are to assume that Janie was told that she was the one who was going to die.
I also have to agree with Pete’s statement. We all know we will die but I’m not sure how many of us actually spend a lot of time thinking about hearing it from someone else. What’s the name of your new novel?
Hi Liz,
The working title (very working) is The Clock Strikes Midnight. Thanks for your input!
Joan
Compelling notion, that. But you buried the lead. The important part of your opening, you action/stress isn’t that we all think about it. Wether or not we have thought about what we would think is not central to your plot/point.
Try something like this: When Jane was told she was going to die her one thought was, Marlene.
Marlene. Jane’s one thought when she was told she was going to die.
Jane was told she was going to die. Here singular thought upon hearing her sentence was, Marlene.
Or, The only thing Jane thought when she was told she was going to die tomorrow was, Marlene.
Now, if only I had good advice for my own. ;>)
i love your blog, i have it in my rss reader and always like new things coming up from it.